Learning the alphabet by heart

Photo by istock.com

As a mother of three young children, I was inspired to write a letter to and about the children of Sandy Hook. These children were denied a future of learning and growing. We can honor them by learning from the tragedy and hope a tragedy like this will never happen again.

Dear: Angels of Sandy Hook -
      Beautiful children that a monster took.
      Creating and learning while in school
      Dying from guns was mercilessly cruel
      Each of you were young and innocent
      Full of life and filled with reverence
      God sent you down for us to imagine
      How it's like to live in heaven.
      It's a place where we all belong
      Joy and laughter are never gone
      Kisses are plenty, and hugs are shared
      Love is found everywhere
      Maniacs with guns are not allowed
      No one dares to hurt you now
      Once in heaven, your pain is done
      Parents are hurting because you're gone
      Quiet yards and noiseless bedrooms
      Real reminders that the grieving continues
      Siblings are lost without their best friends
      Tears shed for you never ends
      Unyielding support from here and there
      Vigils held by those who care
      Why did a mad man become so hateful?
      X-ing off children, teachers, and your principal?
      Your time on earth was cut too short
      Zillion more things for you were still in store

Divided we stand. The harder we fall.

  It was the day after the presidential election and I couldn't help but feel some of the same emotions from 9/11. On September 11, 2001 I felt immensely sad so many lives were lost, worried the tragedy would cripple us and our country, and angry that the terrorists thought they won. On the day after the election, I continue to feel sad for the millions of Americans who lost their jobs, worried this recession will cripple us, and angry about how the divisiveness of our politics is tearing our country apart. With that being said, the terrorists may very well be winning . . . they have successfully divided the United States of America. We can't go forward unless we stand united. Only then can we say we have won.

  We speculate that the terrorists' plan was to attack the World Trade Center as the symbol of capitalism, the Pentagon as the symbol of American power, and the Capitol or White House as the source of American policy. How ironic that the three things that the terrorists were trying to take down back in 2001 are the same issues that were dividing voters this election, just 11 years later. The issues that were being fought hard were capitalism vs. socialism, more government vs. less government, and the polarized policies between the Republican and Democratic parties.

  What I observed in this election were those very same issues: the battle between envy and entitlement (disguised often as capitalism vs. socialism), more government vs. less government, and the polarized views between the Republican and Democratic parties. It was the day after the presidential election and I still see the divisive rantings on Facebook that ensued throughout the campaigns. That divisiveness has extended to our daily conversations and interactions. I wasn't naive to think a lot of that would be gone, but to see it just as prevalent as before was really disappointing. Now that the election is over, why are we still making fun of the losing candidate and his supporters, and why can't we be hopeful that our re-elected president will keep his promise to move us forward and watch out for all Americans? Isn't that the reason why he made a big deal of his opponent for ignoring the 47%? The 47% should get a voice, but I hope the President does not ignore the 48% of the people who did not vote for him. Their voice needs to be heard as well.

  We're nearing a week after the election and both the Democratic and Republican parties are still in a gridlock as to how the United States should move forward. It's not just the Democrats and Republicans in Washington who can't compromise. We, the American people, across the country have also forgotten how to work together. We aren't the welcoming and compassionate nation as we once were. We automatically boycott whoever and whatever has a different viewpoint or beliefs. We are even petitioning to have states secede from the US. I'm not sure any of these is the right approach, but we can't let the last part become a reality. Let's all be honest. All of the classes of society are interdependent upon one another. If you break down one class to its core, the other classes become no more. If we continue to tear down each other, we all quickly fall to the bottom. Everybody loses. Is that the even level playing field that we really want?

Me and My Thumbie

Below is a preview of Me and My Thumbie, the next book of my "Monkey See, Monkey Do" series. Hopefully, I will get this book published soon so my 3-year-old will stop sucking her thumb.

Me and My Thumbie

My thumbie and I stick together. 

It keeps me safe and I feel better.
I’m not ready to give it up yet.
We’ve been through a lot, don’t forget.

When I was born, I yelled so loud.
That made my parents very proud.
The nurse wrapped me up so tight.
My thumbie was nowhere in sight.

Being next to mommy keeps me safe.
There’d be no reason to be afraid.
When my mommy isn’t near,
My thumbie is there to calm my fears.

When I fall and scrape my knee,
Fall off my trike or stung by a bee,
Or when the barber cuts my hair,
My thumbie calms me down anywhere.

When I’m afraid to try something new –
Using the potty or tying my shoes;
Or meeting new people I don’t know,
My thumbie helps me wherever I go.

Now that I’m older, I’m starting to see.
Sucking my thumb is bad for me.
Germs go in my mouth from my thumb.
Getting sick is never fun.

Kids tease me when I suck my thumb.
My baby days are over and done.
If I don’t stop, my teeth will look bad.
That would make me very sad.

Stuck to me like a shadow to the ground,
My thumbie is always around.
It keeps me safe with whatever we do.
We play, read, and sleep together, too.

Now I don’t need my thumb to sleep.
I have my teddy bear that I keep.
I like being as busy as a bee,
And having both of my hands free.

If I’m sleepy, I’ll find my blankie.
When I’m thirsty, I’ll find my sippy.
If I’m bored, I’ll find something fun.
Thumbs up for not sucking my thumb!

– Mimi Hoang Kuehn

Tips to make the transition to full day of school less trying

For kindergarteners who are going to school for the full day for the first time, that is a big milestone, especially for a child who has only gone to school for a half day, every other day, or has never been in daycare. That was my middle child, who had only gone to preschool every other day at the most and only for three hours at a time, and who has never been in daycare. As predicted, he was having a difficult time adjusting to full day kindergarten, and was frequently crying, complaining and throwing tantrums about going to school for a full day. He said he gets too tired for being in school all day, doesn't get a chance to play with his toys, and misses me. The extra hugs and kisses before and after school weren't enough to ease him into this new routine. I was ready to switch him to half day, that is until I did the following things.

Talk to teacher about concerns. My son was going into day four of hating school and crying or complaining about going to school from the time he gets up to the time I drop him off at school. When I pick him up, he'd say he had a good day at school but immediately says he doesn't want to go back and says he hates school. I decided to call his teacher to express my concerns and tell her that I was going to switch him to half day. I explained to her that my son was used to having his downtime where he gets to play by himself at home, was used to being home with me during preschool, and complained that he gets too tired at school. After talking to his teacher, she asked that I give my son two weeks of full-day kindergarten and said she'd get the school psychologist for her opinion. The psychologist agreed with the teacher to give it two weeks because my son wasn't disruptive nor cry during class. My son's teacher added that she never has had a student change from full day to half day in her 14 years of teaching, so that convinced me to give this two weeks. Plus, I didn't want my son to be the first one to tarnish her record without giving this an honest try.

His teacher offered to give my son the extra attention to get him more adjusted to full day. She also suggested that I take him out to lunch since he was used to having quality time with me during the day.

Go on lunch dates. I listened to my son's teacher and set aside two days a week to take him out to lunch, just enough days in the week to give him a break from school but not too much to be removing him from a regular full-day of school routine. Sometimes we pick up our lunch at Subway or go through the drive-thru at Burger King and eat in the parking lot, and other times we'd pack a lunch and go somewhere to eat it, such as a park playground. But we never ate our lunch at home because that would defeat the purpose of having him get used to being at school.

For our lunch dates, I would sign him out of school for lunch and we would go to the park to eat lunch and play, as well as have some time away from school. Sometimes we would just drive around while he ate his lunch, and that was good enough for him because that also satisfied the quiet time and downtime that he was missing.

Pack a small bag of favorite toy. If your child is like mine, he enjoyed having a huge chunk of time to play by himself, whether it's building Legos, playing with other toys, watching TV, or going on the computer. Now that solo time is being taken up by a full day of school activities. A terrific way to give your child the opportunity to have that familiarity during school and to carve out time during his school day so he can enjoy the toys from home is to pack a small bag of his favorite toy, book, or special item. For my son, I filled a sandwich bag of Legos that he could play with while driving to school, waiting for the school to let the kids in, and while eating lunch at school. He even shared his bag of Legos with his friends while waiting for me to pick him up from school, so it ended being a great way for him to make new friends and enjoy being at school as well.

Send in a note or picture in backpack. For the first day of school for all of my kids, I would write a note saying how much I love them and how much fun they'll have in school, and leave that note in their backpack. It's a little reminder to let my kids know that they are never far from home.

Give free time right after school. For most kids, they like to have their own time, whether it's to play, rest, or read, and a lot of that time is taken up being at school for a full day. So as soon as my  kindergarteners get home and have showered, I give them a snack if they wish and let them have about an hour to themselves. (Note I only say kindergartener because when they're older and have been used to going to school for full days, they immediately do homework after having an after-school snack.)

Give time to adjust. Most importantly, give your child some time to adjust. As with a lot of new routines, there will need to be an adjustment period, not only to set up a new schedule but to allow your child to get used to the new routine. I was sure he was never going to accept transitioning to full day. However, after a week and a half, the tears stopped and "I hate school" was replaced by "it was okay" when asked the question "How was school?" That is okay by me.

After a week and a half since the first day of full-day kindergarten started and doing all the above, there weren't anymore heartbreaking drop-offs at school and no more crying about school (from either my son or me). In fact, he now enjoys school. Of course, there were some days of complaining, but that's normal. In less than two weeks of going to school for a full day, my son asked to stop having our lunch dates because he preferred to have lunch at school so he can be with his friends. It was then that I knew that he had successfully transitioned to being a full-day kindergartener.

The First 100 Days of School in Pictures

In the spirit of the First 100 Days of School, I thought it would be fun to post a picture quote for each day using verses from my poems and writings. I'll continue to add to this page for each school day, so keep coming back to this page to be inspired.

Feel free to post a comment on how your kids' first day of school went. What were some of  your best school memories?

Day 4
It was a long day of work and I was tired after a typical day of making dinner, having the kids finish their homework, making sure kids finish dinner, etc. But the kids really wanted to go swimming and there was only a week left before the pool closes. Plus, it was still early enough to go to the pool next door. So we did, and was so glad we did because we were the only ones at the pool and the kids had a blast. How often does that happen?

Day 3

It was my first office day since the kids started school. I had made sure the kids did their homework over the weekend and two days ahead of schedule (in anticipation that figuring out the new school schedule and balancing that with work will be tough the first week). My mother-in-law was kind enough to fold the laundry that I had started before going to work, helped him with new homework, and she had tidied up the playroom when I got home. I even had time to make a decent dinner with multiple choices for the kids, and the kids even ate all their dinner without much fuss. 

But then shortly after dinner, I find out from my son that he has a timed math test the next day. I wasn't very happy with him because I wish he would have told me sooner about it so that he could have studied for it with his grandmother while I was at work, or with me while I was making dinner. So we had to frantically juggle the night's activities. I had to make flashcards, and his dad and I alternated in between doing dishes, showering his younger sister, and putting the other kids to bed first, to quiz him. He was up a half hour past his bedtime.

What turned to be a combination of a straight-forward and hectic day had its way of turning out okay after all. Before he went to bed, he had apologized to me again, without me bringing up to him that he needs to communicate to me about things at school that I need to know about right away. That showed me that he realized he learned his lesson, and I realized that it's okay to have these kinds of days because soon, I will miss having these kinds of days when they're all grown up.

Day 2
The school years truly are milestones in our kids' lives.

Photo by istock.com

Day 1
The first day of school makes me sentimental. Here's a pic that sums up about how fast the kids' school years fly by.

Photo by istock.com

Kiss parental guilt goodbye

Following up on my pros and cons article about being a working mom, below is a poem about parental guilt. Many of us have experienced parental guilt at one point or another. Parents will always find reasons for parental guilt, and me included. But I'm going to try my best this year not to dwell on it. I don't do all the traditionally "bad" things on this list and can only strive to do all the supermom things that are listed here, but the fact that I point them out means I have a long, long way to go with kissing my parental guilt goodbye.

Kiss parental guilt goodbye

Parental guilt is a life sentence of stressing too much;

That we didn’t do enough with such and such.

Like choosing formula feeding over nursing,

Or not spending time with our kids because we’re working.

We regret leaving our kids at daycare

When they start crying with their arms in the air.

We worry about our sick kids when we're at work.
The sad look on their eyes add to the hurt.

We feel badly feeding our kids junk food,

Or yell at them more than we should.

We wish we can schedule weekday playdates.
Like quality time, those also have to wait.

We choose cleaning over sharing playtime,

Or skimp on buying toys to save a dime.

We feel badly sending our kids to grandma’s home

Just because we need some time alone.

We feel guilty when we want to nap

When there are loads of laundry near collapse.

It's not enough the kids are fed and the house is clean,

Or the floors are mopped with no crumb to be seen.

We think we’re bad parents when we turn the TV on

To babysit our kids so we get our housework done.

We also allow our kids to play video games,

And feel worse to have ourselves to blame.

We should stop striving to be perfect for our kids

When such a thing doesn’t exist.

We don’t need to head the PTA.
We should stop stressing over our kids' grades.

We’ll take our kids’ praises when we nuke chicken nuggets –

It’s not always McDonald’s so no need to fret.

We don’t have to coach all our kids’ sports teams –

Driving them to the games is hard enough it seems.

It’s okay to leave our kids home when we travel,

And let the babysitter deal with the unravel.

It's fine if we forget the camera at their recitals.

Not showing up – now that’s suicidal.

We don’t need to sew costumes or mend their clothes.

It takes less time to shop for those.

We don’t have to schedule their entire day with events

When they already are spending time with friends.

Kiss goodbye to parental guilt from here on out.

We’ve earned our kids’ praises; there is no doubt.

We do our best to raise our kids and teach them well,

So if we miss something along the way –

Trust me, it will be hard to tell!

– Mimi Hoang  Kuehn

Many of our kids start school this week. The school year brings on homework, school events, parent conferences, extracurricular activiteis, and most of all, twice as much parental guilt knowing that we can't make it to all those events or stressing about fitting all that in after long days of working.

How are you planning to overcome the parental guilt? What tips do you have to lessen the stress of managing your time during the school year?

I am SAHM, SAHM I am

(Poem written in homage of Dr. Seuss.)

I am SAHM, SAHM I am.

That SAHM I am!

That SAHM I am!

A stay-at-home mom is who I am.

Do you stretch a dollar and pinch pennies?

I do stretch a dollar and pinch pennies.

I even cut coupons to pinch pennies.

Do you carpool to save on gas and time?

I do carpool to save on gas and time.

I even cook and clean all the time.

I am SAHM, SAHM I am.

A stay-at-home mom is who I am.

Would you drive your kids everywhere all day long?

Would you teach them right from wrong?

I do drive my kids everywhere –

To church, grandma’s, and to cut their hair.

I do drive my kids all day through –

From school, soccer, and playdates, too.

I do give them good advice.

I do teach them to be nice.

I do tell them not to shout.

I do tell them not to pout.

Would you choose a career over your kids?

Not today.

Not tomorrow.

Not the next day.

Not any day.

I would not change a thing.

I would not give up a thing.

I am SAHM, SAHM I am.

A stay-at-home mom is who I am.

-- Mimi Hoang Kuehn



FOREVER MY FRIEND

When there were hardships and sorrow, you were there to lend an ear.

When I got into trouble, you made them disappear.

When someone ridiculed me, you were there to defend.

You were there for me because you are forever my friend.

Though we have known each other for only a short time,

We have gained a friendship that lasts more than a lifetime.

Every time I needed you, you were there to the end.

I can always confide in you for you are forever my friend.

You showed me an important lesson, which is always to dream.

You said to always strive for them, no matter how hard it may seem.

You shared your emotions with me and you never kept them pent.

These are the reasons why you are forever my friend.

I am so sad to have heard of the tragic news,

The news of death that was laid upon you.

I will forever miss you for I will never see you again,

But you will remain with me forever, my friend.

– Mimi Hoang Kuehn

As a mom, I'm still learning my "ABC" (A Busy Child)

One of the first things we teach our children is their ABCs. As our children learn, we as parents are learning as well. What I've learned most from my busy children is the ability to LAUGH (Listen, Appreciate, Understand, Give, and Help).

For example, I had written an alphabet story (see below) for my little girl. I hope to give this to her on her birthday so that she and I can read it together. I want her to not only know the alphabet, but also remember the words so that she won't ever forget how amazed I am of her and her brothers.

(Note: the silouhette images are partially created from stock images.)

Misses Dad

Stock photo

As you serve your country miles away, 
your son and daughter were born today.
They wear their booties while you wear your boots.
You'd be so proud of your new recruits.

Your kids' milestones and funny mistakes 
were videotaped along the way. 
They always wish you are here
to cheer them on and ease their fears.

It's tough being Mrs. Dad 
when you are deployed to face combat. 
I do what I can to fill your boots, 
but it's already tough being mom, too.

Camping out in the yard beneath the stars 
feels lonely knowing that you are far. 
Kids going on dates or off to college. 
They could have used your daddy knowledge.

When you come home it's a dream come true. 
We cherish every second spent with you. 
Hugs are tighter and smiles are wider. 
Our hearts are full and so much lighter.

You hate missing birthdays and graduations.
Not to mention anniversaries and vacations. 
Your duty is to defend our great nation. 
Your devotion to us is an inspiration.

Now you're gone, it's harder than before. 
Not sure how it's possible, but we miss you more. 
You won't be giving your little girl away, 
or being the Best Man on your son's big day.

It's tough being Mrs. Dad 
when you are deployed to face combat. 
I do what I can to fill your boots, 
but it's really tough when I miss you, too. 
You will always be a hero who gave his all 
To his family and his country, above all.

-- Mimi Hoang Kuehn

This has been and continues to be an incredible week, with my mom's birthday two days ago, and Father's Day in a couple of days. Also, I learned it's Marines Week and Cleveland is chosen to host a week of celebrating Marines. Although I am not a military wife, I can only imagine how difficult it is to share your husband with your country. I wrote the above poem (possibly turning it into a song) with all of our armed forces and their families in mind. Thank you to all of you.

Please take the time to thank a service man or woman. For those who are military wives or moms, I'd love to hear your stories on how you are Mrs. Dad to your kids.

Making Memories - Then and Now

The first poem was given to Rob shortly afer our engagement.

Memories of you and me

Moonlit walks along the beach move us one step closer within.

Each song you guess correctly assures me you do listen.

Many macarenas and limbo dancing turn us toward the right direction.

Olympic torch lighting in Cleveland warms me up to your affections.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Hornblowers exhibit loud and clear of your charm.

Indians games at Stonis slide me safe into your arms.

Each candle that we light sparks new dreams to come true.

Staring up at the airplanes heightens my appreciation for you.

The second poem was given to Rob in his birthday card recently.

Memories of you and me, plus three

Moonlit pacing with a colic baby and working the next day.

Each lullaby is sung until babies are sleeping away.

Many sleepless nights but more milestones to date.

Olympic-sized tantrums that don’t go away.

Rock and Roll music being played as our kids are born.

Indians and Browns games on the couch with our newborns.

Each candle that we light is another child’s birthday to celebrate.

Staring at our kids makes me appreciate each day.


How have your memories changed since having kids? More importantly, how have you changed as a person since becoming a parent?

Potty Book Pages - 1 thru 4

The journey of the potty begins . . .