A mother's wishful thinking

(Originally posted on June 13, 2012.)

A mother’s wish

I hope you smile and laugh each day,
And your sense of wonder never fades.
I hope God guides you from above 
And your heart is filled with joy and love,
I hope and pray you grow to be old;
And all your dreams and wishes unfold.
It’s my wishful thinking, I suppose —
That you’re happy and healthy as you grow.

I vow to keep you safe and sound,
And not let others pull you down.
I vow to help you learn from your mistakes,
And leave this world a better place.
I vow to listen when you’re sad or mad,
And love you to the moon and back
It’s a mother’s wish, I suppose —
That you’re happy and healthy as you grow.

The day will come when you’re all grown 
You’ll leave home and be on your own 
When you want advice on what to do, 
Remember my mother’s wish to you

I wish the world is more than it seems,
And peace is not an impossible dream.
I wish all children love their self-worth,
And we care for each other on earth.
I wish that greed is something we ignore;
It’s better to help each other more.
It’s a mother’s wish, I know —
That you’re happy and healthy as you grow.
— Mimi Hoang Kuehn

While my dad is my hero, my mom is my idol. She has always been an inspiration to me and that inspiration has crossed over to how I strive to parent my own children. No matter how hard I will ever try, I can never reach the same level of sacrifice that my mom has shown. 

My mom's only wish in life was for her children to be happy and healthy at all costs. She and my dad risked their lives and gave up all that they had known to escape from Vietnam in order for me and my siblings to have a better life in America. Their selflessness extended to how they raised us, including our humble beginnings in the US as a homeless family living in the church that sponsored us. I remember my parents  working tirelessly – my mom would hold multiple jobs as a restaurant kitchen staffer, babysitter, and factory worker whereas in Vietnam she was a teacher and lived an upper middle-class life prior to the war. 

First and foremost, I can't imagine being pregnant and also having to protect and care for four other young kids during the Vietnam War. I idolize that mom. Life was hard on the Vietnamese civilians, especially those with kids, because of the daily bombings and daily fixtures of soldiers manning the streets. That mom protected her family during a civil war. Imagine trying to make ends meet as a mom while the government was embarking on a mass campaign of collectivization of farms and factories. The war resulted in an economic collapse, causing millions of people, many of whom had children, to flee the country in crudely built boats. While helping her family escape from a country that she now fears, that mom comforted her children and set her own fears aside.

I idolize that mom – my mom. My mom is a protector, a survivor, a provider, and a comforter. I am a mother of three and struggling (umm, I mean balancing) to put my kids first while also working, and I am in awe of how my mom did it with five children! If anyone figured how to clone themselves, I think my mom did. I remember my mom always being there for me and my siblings. Growing up we had little money. Shopping for clothes and household items at Goodwilll was a treat and a field trip that my siblings and I looked forward to with her. I marveled at how she was able to bargain down prices. I have fond memories of my mom or my dad, and often both, would make it to my basketball games, marching band practices, cheerleading events, and Cross Country and Track meets. It's easy to see why mom is my idol. During my childhood, my parents made sure that one of them was always home and there for us, including supporting us with school and our activities, and encouraging our interests.

As an adult, I continue to appreciate and listen to my mom. She is my inner voice when making decisions. When I want to hear her voice, she is just a phone call away. My mom is my role model as I strive to make my own voice in this world. Thank you, Mom!

How has your mom inspired you? I would love to hear!

Turning my hobby into helping others

When I was twelve, my grandmother started teaching me how to crochet and knit. Since my first stitch, every visit to see Grandma Ama was an opportunity for me to get hooked on this amazing skill. Twenty-six years later, I still have the first sweater that my grandmother and I knitted together -- that's how special I felt about our time together. As I began to participate in more school sports and activities, I didn't have time to crochet or knit and had forgotten it for awhile. Here and there I would pick up crocheting and knitting out of the blue, like knitting a blanket for a wooden cradle that I made for my Big sorority sister, knitting an Indians blanket for my husband as part of his wedding day present, or crocheting an item or two a year for my kids.

It wasn't until a few months ago when I volunteered to participate in a Crafts Bazaar at Ernst & Young (E&Y), where I worked, to help raise money for its holiday gift giving that my hobby turned into an opportunity to help others. E&Y usually gives a large amount of money to the local community, and it also gives its employees an opportunity to directly help in those efforts. For the Crafts Bazaar, E&Y was going to double what you were willing to donate. I quickly jumped at the chance to do it because with three kids and a full-time job, I rarely had the chance to volunteer in the community. Plus, I just came off from making three Angry Bird hats for my kids and they loved it, so I thought why not making more of these to sell at the bazaar. Most importantly, my grandmother passed away from cancer about five years ago and I knew since then that I wanted to do something special to honor her, and how ironic that crocheting would be that avenue to honor her by.

Since EY's Crafts Bazaar was my first crafts show and with only having two and a half months to make enough things to sell, I started to get nervous, not so much so that I didn't think I'd get the things done in time, but more so because I wasn't sure if I would be able to sell enough things to donate to charity. I was prepared to buy back some of my things if no one bought anything, but that would "knot" have been fun, pun intended. I loved the encouragement from my kids, and would help when they can. I will always remember my oldest son calling the preparation for the crafts bazaar as "yarning for charity. "For my kids, it was a win-win situation. If I sold a lot of things, they would be happy for me. If I didn't, they would be owning extra hats and scarves to add in their closets.

Thankfully, I sold enough to donate $100 to EY's holiday gift giving ($200 with firm's mtach). It felt so wonderful to have participated in such an event that buys toys for the struggling families in our communities. Since then I've been trying to think of ways that I can do something similar, while not taking away the important time that I have with my family, and not compromise my job. Fast forward two months to the present, I've decided to revisit my hobby business, Just Image-on, and really spend more time on it (up until that point, I had done nothing with it for over a year). I started promoting some of the things I had made from the Crafts Bazaar and had gotten a lot of positive feedback from it. (While you're at Just Image-on, don't forget to "Like" and share my page with your friends. Sorry for the shameless plug.)

Now, I am dedicating my weekends and late nights to my new charitable hobby. I hope to make and sell enough of the items to continue to do what I love doing while helping my community, while also make extra cash to support my three kids' hobbies as they grow up. I know there will be a lot of hard work and lost sleep in seeing this through but as my grandmother always said, "You need to have patience and discipline in whatever you do, and create opportunities to give to others whenever you can."

So I began brainstorming ideas and even got insomnia because of all the ideas that I had and that is where we arrive to what you see below. Visit my blog again soon to learn more about "Care to crochet," how my grandmother and children are the inspiration behind it, and how you can also get hooked on helping your community, too.

Learning the alphabet by heart

Photo by istock.com

As a mother of three young children, I was inspired to write a letter to and about the children of Sandy Hook. These children were denied a future of learning and growing. We can honor them by learning from the tragedy and hope a tragedy like this will never happen again.

Dear: Angels of Sandy Hook -
      Beautiful children that a monster took.
      Creating and learning while in school
      Dying from guns was mercilessly cruel
      Each of you were young and innocent
      Full of life and filled with reverence
      God sent you down for us to imagine
      How it's like to live in heaven.
      It's a place where we all belong
      Joy and laughter are never gone
      Kisses are plenty, and hugs are shared
      Love is found everywhere
      Maniacs with guns are not allowed
      No one dares to hurt you now
      Once in heaven, your pain is done
      Parents are hurting because you're gone
      Quiet yards and noiseless bedrooms
      Real reminders that the grieving continues
      Siblings are lost without their best friends
      Tears shed for you never ends
      Unyielding support from here and there
      Vigils held by those who care
      Why did a mad man become so hateful?
      X-ing off children, teachers, and your principal?
      Your time on earth was cut too short
      Zillion more things for you were still in store

Divided we stand. The harder we fall.

  It was the day after the presidential election and I couldn't help but feel some of the same emotions from 9/11. On September 11, 2001 I felt immensely sad so many lives were lost, worried the tragedy would cripple us and our country, and angry that the terrorists thought they won. On the day after the election, I continue to feel sad for the millions of Americans who lost their jobs, worried this recession will cripple us, and angry about how the divisiveness of our politics is tearing our country apart. With that being said, the terrorists may very well be winning . . . they have successfully divided the United States of America. We can't go forward unless we stand united. Only then can we say we have won.

  We speculate that the terrorists' plan was to attack the World Trade Center as the symbol of capitalism, the Pentagon as the symbol of American power, and the Capitol or White House as the source of American policy. How ironic that the three things that the terrorists were trying to take down back in 2001 are the same issues that were dividing voters this election, just 11 years later. The issues that were being fought hard were capitalism vs. socialism, more government vs. less government, and the polarized policies between the Republican and Democratic parties.

  What I observed in this election were those very same issues: the battle between envy and entitlement (disguised often as capitalism vs. socialism), more government vs. less government, and the polarized views between the Republican and Democratic parties. It was the day after the presidential election and I still see the divisive rantings on Facebook that ensued throughout the campaigns. That divisiveness has extended to our daily conversations and interactions. I wasn't naive to think a lot of that would be gone, but to see it just as prevalent as before was really disappointing. Now that the election is over, why are we still making fun of the losing candidate and his supporters, and why can't we be hopeful that our re-elected president will keep his promise to move us forward and watch out for all Americans? Isn't that the reason why he made a big deal of his opponent for ignoring the 47%? The 47% should get a voice, but I hope the President does not ignore the 48% of the people who did not vote for him. Their voice needs to be heard as well.

  We're nearing a week after the election and both the Democratic and Republican parties are still in a gridlock as to how the United States should move forward. It's not just the Democrats and Republicans in Washington who can't compromise. We, the American people, across the country have also forgotten how to work together. We aren't the welcoming and compassionate nation as we once were. We automatically boycott whoever and whatever has a different viewpoint or beliefs. We are even petitioning to have states secede from the US. I'm not sure any of these is the right approach, but we can't let the last part become a reality. Let's all be honest. All of the classes of society are interdependent upon one another. If you break down one class to its core, the other classes become no more. If we continue to tear down each other, we all quickly fall to the bottom. Everybody loses. Is that the even level playing field that we really want?

Me and My Thumbie

Below is a preview of Me and My Thumbie, the next book of my "Monkey See, Monkey Do" series. Hopefully, I will get this book published soon so my 3-year-old will stop sucking her thumb.

Me and My Thumbie

My thumbie and I stick together. 

It keeps me safe and I feel better.
I’m not ready to give it up yet.
We’ve been through a lot, don’t forget.

When I was born, I yelled so loud.
That made my parents very proud.
The nurse wrapped me up so tight.
My thumbie was nowhere in sight.

Being next to mommy keeps me safe.
There’d be no reason to be afraid.
When my mommy isn’t near,
My thumbie is there to calm my fears.

When I fall and scrape my knee,
Fall off my trike or stung by a bee,
Or when the barber cuts my hair,
My thumbie calms me down anywhere.

When I’m afraid to try something new –
Using the potty or tying my shoes;
Or meeting new people I don’t know,
My thumbie helps me wherever I go.

Now that I’m older, I’m starting to see.
Sucking my thumb is bad for me.
Germs go in my mouth from my thumb.
Getting sick is never fun.

Kids tease me when I suck my thumb.
My baby days are over and done.
If I don’t stop, my teeth will look bad.
That would make me very sad.

Stuck to me like a shadow to the ground,
My thumbie is always around.
It keeps me safe with whatever we do.
We play, read, and sleep together, too.

Now I don’t need my thumb to sleep.
I have my teddy bear that I keep.
I like being as busy as a bee,
And having both of my hands free.

If I’m sleepy, I’ll find my blankie.
When I’m thirsty, I’ll find my sippy.
If I’m bored, I’ll find something fun.
Thumbs up for not sucking my thumb!

– Mimi Hoang Kuehn

Tips to make the transition to full day of school less trying

For kindergarteners who are going to school for the full day for the first time, that is a big milestone, especially for a child who has only gone to school for a half day, every other day, or has never been in daycare. That was my middle child, who had only gone to preschool every other day at the most and only for three hours at a time, and who has never been in daycare. As predicted, he was having a difficult time adjusting to full day kindergarten, and was frequently crying, complaining and throwing tantrums about going to school for a full day. He said he gets too tired for being in school all day, doesn't get a chance to play with his toys, and misses me. The extra hugs and kisses before and after school weren't enough to ease him into this new routine. I was ready to switch him to half day, that is until I did the following things.

Talk to teacher about concerns. My son was going into day four of hating school and crying or complaining about going to school from the time he gets up to the time I drop him off at school. When I pick him up, he'd say he had a good day at school but immediately says he doesn't want to go back and says he hates school. I decided to call his teacher to express my concerns and tell her that I was going to switch him to half day. I explained to her that my son was used to having his downtime where he gets to play by himself at home, was used to being home with me during preschool, and complained that he gets too tired at school. After talking to his teacher, she asked that I give my son two weeks of full-day kindergarten and said she'd get the school psychologist for her opinion. The psychologist agreed with the teacher to give it two weeks because my son wasn't disruptive nor cry during class. My son's teacher added that she never has had a student change from full day to half day in her 14 years of teaching, so that convinced me to give this two weeks. Plus, I didn't want my son to be the first one to tarnish her record without giving this an honest try.

His teacher offered to give my son the extra attention to get him more adjusted to full day. She also suggested that I take him out to lunch since he was used to having quality time with me during the day.

Go on lunch dates. I listened to my son's teacher and set aside two days a week to take him out to lunch, just enough days in the week to give him a break from school but not too much to be removing him from a regular full-day of school routine. Sometimes we pick up our lunch at Subway or go through the drive-thru at Burger King and eat in the parking lot, and other times we'd pack a lunch and go somewhere to eat it, such as a park playground. But we never ate our lunch at home because that would defeat the purpose of having him get used to being at school.

For our lunch dates, I would sign him out of school for lunch and we would go to the park to eat lunch and play, as well as have some time away from school. Sometimes we would just drive around while he ate his lunch, and that was good enough for him because that also satisfied the quiet time and downtime that he was missing.

Pack a small bag of favorite toy. If your child is like mine, he enjoyed having a huge chunk of time to play by himself, whether it's building Legos, playing with other toys, watching TV, or going on the computer. Now that solo time is being taken up by a full day of school activities. A terrific way to give your child the opportunity to have that familiarity during school and to carve out time during his school day so he can enjoy the toys from home is to pack a small bag of his favorite toy, book, or special item. For my son, I filled a sandwich bag of Legos that he could play with while driving to school, waiting for the school to let the kids in, and while eating lunch at school. He even shared his bag of Legos with his friends while waiting for me to pick him up from school, so it ended being a great way for him to make new friends and enjoy being at school as well.

Send in a note or picture in backpack. For the first day of school for all of my kids, I would write a note saying how much I love them and how much fun they'll have in school, and leave that note in their backpack. It's a little reminder to let my kids know that they are never far from home.

Give free time right after school. For most kids, they like to have their own time, whether it's to play, rest, or read, and a lot of that time is taken up being at school for a full day. So as soon as my  kindergarteners get home and have showered, I give them a snack if they wish and let them have about an hour to themselves. (Note I only say kindergartener because when they're older and have been used to going to school for full days, they immediately do homework after having an after-school snack.)

Give time to adjust. Most importantly, give your child some time to adjust. As with a lot of new routines, there will need to be an adjustment period, not only to set up a new schedule but to allow your child to get used to the new routine. I was sure he was never going to accept transitioning to full day. However, after a week and a half, the tears stopped and "I hate school" was replaced by "it was okay" when asked the question "How was school?" That is okay by me.

After a week and a half since the first day of full-day kindergarten started and doing all the above, there weren't anymore heartbreaking drop-offs at school and no more crying about school (from either my son or me). In fact, he now enjoys school. Of course, there were some days of complaining, but that's normal. In less than two weeks of going to school for a full day, my son asked to stop having our lunch dates because he preferred to have lunch at school so he can be with his friends. It was then that I knew that he had successfully transitioned to being a full-day kindergartener.

The First 100 Days of School in Pictures

In the spirit of the First 100 Days of School, I thought it would be fun to post a picture quote for each day using verses from my poems and writings. I'll continue to add to this page for each school day, so keep coming back to this page to be inspired.

Feel free to post a comment on how your kids' first day of school went. What were some of  your best school memories?

Day 4
It was a long day of work and I was tired after a typical day of making dinner, having the kids finish their homework, making sure kids finish dinner, etc. But the kids really wanted to go swimming and there was only a week left before the pool closes. Plus, it was still early enough to go to the pool next door. So we did, and was so glad we did because we were the only ones at the pool and the kids had a blast. How often does that happen?

Day 3

It was my first office day since the kids started school. I had made sure the kids did their homework over the weekend and two days ahead of schedule (in anticipation that figuring out the new school schedule and balancing that with work will be tough the first week). My mother-in-law was kind enough to fold the laundry that I had started before going to work, helped him with new homework, and she had tidied up the playroom when I got home. I even had time to make a decent dinner with multiple choices for the kids, and the kids even ate all their dinner without much fuss. 

But then shortly after dinner, I find out from my son that he has a timed math test the next day. I wasn't very happy with him because I wish he would have told me sooner about it so that he could have studied for it with his grandmother while I was at work, or with me while I was making dinner. So we had to frantically juggle the night's activities. I had to make flashcards, and his dad and I alternated in between doing dishes, showering his younger sister, and putting the other kids to bed first, to quiz him. He was up a half hour past his bedtime.

What turned to be a combination of a straight-forward and hectic day had its way of turning out okay after all. Before he went to bed, he had apologized to me again, without me bringing up to him that he needs to communicate to me about things at school that I need to know about right away. That showed me that he realized he learned his lesson, and I realized that it's okay to have these kinds of days because soon, I will miss having these kinds of days when they're all grown up.

Day 2
The school years truly are milestones in our kids' lives.

Photo by istock.com

Day 1
The first day of school makes me sentimental. Here's a pic that sums up about how fast the kids' school years fly by.

Photo by istock.com