Vote for the title of my children's potty book

Hi, everyone -

I am nearing the end of finishing my book. Could you help me select which of the three titles below you like best? Or if you have suggestions for a title, please send along your ideas, too.

Thanks in advance! Until then, I hope to get this book ready for publishing really soon. I will be posting some of the pages on my blog in the next few days so come visit again to check them out.

  

Can't belabor the potty training anymore . . .

My potty and I don’t get along too well.

It’s cold and scary, and it also smells.

My mom wants us to get along,

So I will use the potty before too long.

My mom puts bear on to let me know it’s okay.

“He’ll be fine,” my mom would say.

She also gives me treats so I would try —

Bananas, toys, and stickers so I won’t cry.

The treats don’t work; I’m not so lucky.

My pull-ups get wet and yucky.
I try the potty chair so it’s more my size,

And my mom cheers me on because I try.

She reads and sings to me as I sit,

So I don’t get bored and want to quit.

I walk around with my bottom bare.

I aim into Cheerios, but I miss before I get there.

Still, my mom potty trains me with a smile,

While my wet and poopy pants add to the pile.

One day I look in the potty and what do I see?

After lots of tries, I did it — I peed!

My mom was so proud, and so was I!

I did it. I tried!

I can find a potty when I have to go.

Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don’t.

Now I’m not scared to try to poop.

I’ll keep trying and soon I’ll get that, too.

It was scary to learn something new.

Using the potty is easy to do.

I’m ready for underwear! Ooo. Ooo. Eee. Eee.

I know how to potty! Yippee!
– Mimi Hoang Kuehn

Labor Day weekend this year was anything but restful. I was busy getting my two sons ready for their first days of school (second grade and kindergarten) and beginning my daughter on her potty training.

"Are you off the handle? (Toilet handle, in my case)" some of you may be thinking as to why I would be crazy enough to put myself through the potty ordeal at the start of the school year.

My daughter showed signs of being ready, and I had an extra long Labor Day weekend (with both Friday and Monday off from work) to really focus on her using the potty. I learned several things from training my other two, one of which is that consistency is needed and that work is a distraction. I even cancelled any Labor Day plans so that I would free up my time for my daughter's "potty poop camp" and finish any last-minute preparation for the boys' first full week of school.

Now just because I was going to torture my little soldier and myself the last weekend of summer break by keeping ourselves indoors, it didn't make sense to draft my two sons to potty poop camp. They had been recruited, served their time, and have been honorably discharged from potty poop camp.

So I let grandma take my soon-to-be kindergartener to the pool two times, and my second-grader one time to the pool that weekend.

Why the uneven number of times to the pool, you may wonder? I was also busy disciplining my oldest son because apparently he was already disciplined by his teacher for goofing around on the playground his second day of 2nd grade (even though his friend accidentally kicked him but teacher disciplined both of them). Although I thought it was harsh for his teacher to quickly take away his recess for his first offense, I thought I needed to discipline him further at home since his teacher had called me about it. So hence, he wasn't allowed to go to the pool one of the days during the weekend.

So Friday morning, my supposed first day off from my Labor Day weekend, I wake up at my usual 6:15 a.m. to prepare for my daughter's busy day, including having her potty seat set up in the kitchen, prepare multiple changes of clothes for her, and have my towel ready that I'll be carrying around today.

Then I go greet my normal, happy but unsuspecting 2-year-old waiting for me by her gated room. Instead of her usual diaper change, I tell her she's not wearing a diaper today. In fact, she's not going to wear a pull-up or training pants either. My little soldier is going commando, and luckily she only says "no" once and doesn't argue further.

While carrying the towel with me, I take her downstairs and introduce her to the potty, which has been moved from the bathroom to the kitchen. (Before her potty training, she would watch me use the bathroom while she sits on her potty...with all her clothes still on. She liked tearing off the toilet paper, flush, and wash her hands. And she would often let me know when her tummy "hurts" right before she wet or soil her diaper. So I knew she was ready for potty training.)

I tried to make her day as routine as I could to ease her into the potty training. I let her have breakfast, and then let her sit on the couch as she watched her Bubble Guppies episodes that we had DVR'd. But we put a towel underneath her.

I then bring her and her Teddy to the potty seat in the kitchen and place her bear on the seat and reassure her that there's nothing to be scared of. She smiles. Then I put her on the potty. She goes along but she only sits for a mintue. So I let her off this time, not wanting to push her too much.

I let her do her normal playing, including marching around the family room while the marching band episode of Bubble Guppies is on. This time, she has mommy — the extra band member — marching right behind her to catch her before she has an "accident."

Next, we do our normal reading, but instead of asking her questions about the book we're reading, I continually ask her if she needs to use the potty in between pages.

We even do our regular snacktimes, too, but this time, I offer her more juice than usual, and offering her pudding, and suggest that she eat her snacks sitting on her potty seat in the kitchen while watching another episode of Bubble Guppies. And this time, I wouldn't let her out of the potty seat because she hasn't peed since getting up in the morning. She starts crying frantically, but I wouldn't let her off this time. She continues getting herself so worked up that she pukes. Of course I let her off the potty and undress her and shower her. She continues to puke once more in the shower because she is still mad at me.

Surprisingly, I haven't started on the sweet treats as bribes, stickers or the training pants, etc yet but am ready to use those at anytime :) She didn't wear a diaper or anything under her clothes today. For today, Star Wars figures, juice boxes, and large legos kept her on the potty for the times she did sit. She did pee today, but I think it was accidental b/c she was trying to poop.

After about four change of clothes, she has asked to use the potty without me asking her, and she even tinkles. The idea hasn't sunk in yet because I put a diaper on her after her bedtime shower and it is loaded with pee after a half hour. We have a long way to go still. At this point, I admit that she's making progress more quickly than I thought. But I am not naive to think she'll conquer the potty today or anytime soon.

The second day of training, she is making progress. She even says "I win the potty" after she goes on it without getting some of her shorts wet first. Shortly after, she asks me to give her a "Big Five." She is a character. Up until this point, she hasn't done #2 yet so obviously I didn't want to ruin her moment, so I gave her a Big Five.

On the fifth day of training, my daughter goes to pee on her own now. She hasn't conquered #2 yet, but I knew she was close because I could smell it. She had been going to the potty several times since yesterday evening and keeps farting on the potty, but doesn't go. So I knew it was just a matter of time. This morning, she poops on the potty with help. And she just pooped on the potty completely on her own while I was cooking dinner. I am very, very proud of her!

After that day, I knew that if my daughter has a repeat of that day, I can officially say she has got the potty down. Staying dry during naps and bedtime will be our next goal. (I hope I didn't jinx myself.) I am as surprised as anyone at how quickly she caught on to this. I'm so glad I decided to train her when we had the long weekend, and cleared my calendar for it. I kept her diaperless since Saturday morning. The only real day where she had a lot of accidents was the first day, but it's so worth it. If you want to talk more, ping me tomorrow.

Exactly a week after our potty training started, I was ready to get Big Girl underwear. Not for me, but for my daughter! We had a celebratory Burger King meal for my Potty Princess. My daughter ended up not really needing the sugared treats that I had planned as bribes for her potty training, so naturally, I ate them all —  they were a reward for me for conquering the potty training.

Daddy's little girl — all grown up and still . . .

Looking up to you

A newborn baby with starry eyes,
Looking up to you as you hold me tight.
New to this world, and so much to see,
I am blessed that you’re my daddy. 

Learning to walk or sharing a dance
I trusted you to hold my hand.
Riding a bike or hitting a ball
You were there to teach it all

I look to you for hope when I have my doubts.
I look to you for help to figure things out.
You give me support whenever I fall.
I look up to you through it all.

Seeing the world high on your shoulders,
You gave me the world even as I got older.
Learning and growing, and never alone,
I am now ready to fly on my own.

Never looking down on my mistakes
Instead you helped me pave the way.
Keep going forward as hard as it seems
You never stopped believing in me

I look to you for hope when I have my doubts.
I look to you for help to figure things out.
You give support whenever I fall.
I look up to you through it all.

I remember walking down the aisle,
And being comforted by your smile.
Never will I forget the advice you shared,
Nor the promise you'll always be there.

Looking at my kids and having you here,
My mind races back through all the years.
I’m daddy’s little girl since I was born 
I look up to you more and more

I look to you for hope when I have my doubts.
I look to you for help to figure things out.
You give me support whenever I fall.
I look up to you through it all.

— Mimi Hoang Kuehn

My hero is someone who ran away from his worst fear, and is the same person I look up to the most. He's also someone who has given up everything that he has owned and known. This person risked his life and worked tirelessly in order for his children to have the opportunity to achieve their dream. This person is not a superhero or a super athlete, but rather he is much more than that...he's my dad. Imagine that.

Continue imagining being in a fearful situation of choosing whether to fight or take flight. For example, how many of you had a childhood bully and were too afraid to face him or her, either by not having the courage to tell your parents or having to resort to fighting the bully yourself? Now envision, as an adult, a type of fear that is so overwhelming that maybe the best decision is to run away from it? Also picture having to make that decision with kids in tow. Scary, isn’t it?

Even before I was born, my parents made the most important decision in their lives by deciding to run away from their worst fear – the rise of Communism in Vietnam shortly after the Vietnam War ended. We found refuge by escaping from a country that we once loved but now have grown to fear.

My family’s fears of Vietnam resulted from years of conflicts, including the Vietnam War, which lasted from the mid-1950s until 1975. The Vietnam War was the second of two major conflicts that spread throughout Indochina, which included Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos. Dispute continued through the Vietnam War, a war that has caused 2 to 3 million Indochinese to be killed and 58,000 Americans to die. After a long history of conflicts, Vietnam was formerly reunified on July 2, 1976.

The reunification of Vietnam led to a difficult period of dealing with the aftermath of the war. Some 200,000 supporters of the former regime were removed to "re-education" camps where they were trained to appreciate socialism and communism and were forced to admit that they were wrong for being involved with the old regime. Since my father was a sergeant for the former South Vietnamese government and was an English interpreter for the U.S. government, he was arrested and forced to attend one of these "re-education" camps for a month because he held firm to his beliefs. To this day, he never accepted nor followed what was taught at these terrorizing camps.

Another problem arising from the rise of the Communist regime was the fall of the economy. In 1978 the government planners announced the nationalization of all industrial and commercial enterprises above the family level and began to create low-level collective organizations in the countryside. Frequently, the police searched people’s homes for gold, jewelry, and other valuables. My family experienced hardships from the government. My father became jobless after having left the "re-education" camps. He recalls a time when the government forced people to be concentrated into new areas known as New Economic Zones. My family somehow avoided being sent to these new zones; yet, we were still insisted to move nearly 30 miles out of town to farm sweet potatoes and rice. The ordeals that my family went through are parallel to the disastrous outcomes of other families due to the Communist regime. More than 1.4 million Vietnamese fled the country by sea and as many as 50,000 of these "boat people" may have perished in flight. Nearly a million settled abroad, including some 725,000 in the United States. Luckily for my family, we were the fortunate boat people who made it safely to another destination. As with many of the thousands of Vietnamese refugees, we had to flee from the militaristic style of government and the overly impoverished economy of Vietnam.

Some of you at this time may be wondering what exactly is a refugee since I have been mentioning that term several times already. Refugees are persons who have fled their country or been expelled from it and who cannot or will not because they fear persecution. And yes, my family and I were refugees. My father gave the same reason as I had mentioned earlier as to why we had escaped. We escaped because we were scared of our own country after the Fall of Saigon. Therefore, he thought it would be dangerous to live in Vietnam as a result. To get a clear idea of the effects of the Vietnam War, here's a link. The means of escaping would entail that you had to know people who had connections, such as the boat owners. Secondly, you need to trust the boat owners because there was always the chance that he can have you set up to be arrested. There also has to be enough people who want to go. In our case, our boat owner would not accept money, so we had to pay in gold. Then we had to pick a time to escape. We decided to leave late at night so we would not be discovered.

My father had planned this escape since the very beginning of the Communist takeover of Rach Gia on April 30, 1974. Sometime in August 1978, my father was approached by a relative of his who told him about the availability of a boat. He collected virtually all of the family’s savings and paid the boat owner. Everyone had to pay ahead of time and in gold. He paid in units called Taels, which weighs a little more than an ounce. Each adult had to pay ten Taels and each child five Taels. The total cost of the escape was about $3,500 which was to include food for the trip. On September 29 at midnight, my family boarded the boat; however, there was no food and we had to nibble on whatever we had happened to bring along. The boat was a fishing boat which held 100 to 200 passengers. As mentioned earlier, when someone had to "alleviate" themselves, they would have to sit there and relieve themselves on the spot. The voyage was especially difficult because it was the rainy season which made the sea very rough. On top of that, my brothers, sister, and I were crying constantly. I remember faintly my parents explaining to us children what was happening. I remember being very scared when they told us children we could not go home; however, they reminded us how the Communists had treated us at home, especially on the day when the security forces came into our home and took whatever valuables they can find. They gave my father a receipt for the items but not money. My father told me that after telling me that story, I no longer cried because somehow, I seemed to understand why we were leaving.

Sometime between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. on October 6, the boat stopped at Malaysian territory. Everyone was aware that they were not authorized to land in Malaysia. Later on in the morning, we were discovered by the police. We were informed that we were in Malaysia illegally and would be sent back to Vietnam. Of course we were frightened. Arrangements were made later in the day to send us to Trengganu in Western Malaysia. From Trengganu we were shipped to Pulau Bidong, an island about thirty miles off the Malaysian coast. When we arrived at Pulau Bidong, the refugee count was 6,000. When we left eight months later, the number had risen to 45,000.

My family’s treatment on Pulau Bidong were treated poorly, a time when the memories of the Vietnam War was still fresh and refugees were viewed negatively. For example, the authorities in charge of the island did not sympathize with the refugee situation. The refugees were prohibited from doing many things. Whenever we bought anything, it was always priced higher than normal. There were no houses on the island so we had to get wood from the mountains and build our own. Plastic for windows was paid for with jewelry. Even though we were not treated very well, we were grateful to the Malaysian authorities for letting us stay.

Still, we anticipated on leaving this island as soon as possible. My father said that we had to wait awhile on the island because we had to wait for our files to be reviewed. The Delegation would review each file one by one, so we had to wait. Since he had worked for the U.S. government during the war, it didn’t take us too long to wait to get accepted. There my father picked three countries that we would like to go which included the United States, Australia, and Canada. Even when we were accepted by the United States, we still had to wait for a sponsor. My father added that it would be another 7-8 months before we were permitted to leave for the United States.

The United Nations High Commission on Refugees made the decision about who left the island and who stayed. Delegates from many countries, including the United States, Australia, Italy, Canada, France, West Germany, Sweden, Norway, and the United Kingdom, interviewed the refugees. My father went through a four-stage procedure before being permitted to leave for the United States. The first step was to meet the qualifications for admission to the United States. There were four categories: those who had close relatives in the U.S., those who had worked for or previously served for the U.S. government, those who had ever worked for the former South Vietnamese government, and those who could only leave if a government raised its allocation and decided to accept extra people. The second step required reporting to the American delegation for screening. At this time, everyone had to swear that all information given so far was true before being sworn in by an Immigration and Naturalization officer. The third step was most important, which was getting a sponsor. No refugee was allowed in the U.S. even if they met other requirements. From here, the files of the refugees were submitted to various voluntary agencies which included the Church World Service and the United States Catholic Conference. These agencies would recommend a family to their membership and wait for someone to agree to be a sponsor.

My family was sponsored by Reverend and Mrs. Gillis and the rest of the congregation from the Shoregate United Methodist Church in Willowick, Ohio. As a result of our acceptance, our name was put on a moving list on June 5, 1979, thus initiating the fourth step. From here we were sent to Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia, where we underwent blood tests and x-rays. On June 29, we left Kuala Lumpur for the United States. We made stops in Guam, Honolulu, and then flew to San Francisco where we were met by Church World Service representatives. On June 30, 1979 my family arrived in Cleveland and began to build our new "home" with no foundation to start.

My family started out as a homeless family in the U.S., although that did not matter to us because we heard that one can do anything in America. And that we did. Being homeless did not prevent us from moving up the social ladder and be where we are today. We took what started out as nothing and made it into something.

We began our lives in America by living in the Shoregate United Methodist Church for a month. It was not a house, but it truly was a home -- we were grateful to have a roof over our heads, especially since we had never experienced cold weather before, and blessed to have a church family of strangers who embraced us with their generosity. They helped my father find a minimum-wage job as a clerk at a fire station. Our family did not own many nice things during our first years in America. Everything we owned were donated to us by the church. It did not matter to us that our clothes were hand-me-downs and worn out. It was a few months before we moved into our first real home, which was half of a townhouse. Having a home was the greatest accomplishment, especially for my parents because it meant that we were no longer homeless. It also meant we now have a strong foundation to base our dreams on.

Having a strong foundation and being given the chance to accomplish one’s dreams are what my father views most highly and proud of about being in the United States. He feels that in the United States, one can do anything without worrying about people ordering you what to do. You can say or do whatever you want. He felt it was too confining that you had to strictly follow the unjust laws of the government. For example, if you said anything badly about the government, even if it was meant only as a joke, the government had the right to arrest you. Even with the new strict government, he felt he and my mother would have been content living in Vietnam because they had made something of their lives before Communism had taken over. He adds that restrictions in Vietnam made it difficult to accomplish anything. That is why he feels that his biggest accomplishment in the United States is when all of his children find their true happiness.

I understand and appreciate why my parents say their dream is for my siblings and me to have better lives than they had. They overcame many obstacles in pursuit of this dream, including having to put our lives in danger and leaving family and friends behind. I am amazed by my dad's heroism and devotion to his family. With children of my own, it's even more important than ever for me to learn more from my dad, be more in touch with my past and heritage, and pass that knowledge on to my children. All of that are part of who I am. In time, I hope my children will have that same self-discovery and will look up to their grandfather as much as I do.

The "prose" and cons of a working mom

Photo by istock.com

            As a little girl, taking care of dolls was not my thing. Instead, I imagined being a Nobel Peace Prize winner by making sure my stuffed animals all got along, or a doctor who discovers a cure for cancer using those same stuffed animals as patients. For me, motherhood was a long-distance neighborhood from Be Something Big Street. Little did I know how far off that would be from my current thinking. Now instead of navigating a direct path to success, I’m tracking my kids’ milestones and their achievements along the way. I’m still on course to achieve a successful career – it’s just that I’m taking all the back roads as well, enjoying every moment of my children’s lives, and choosing to have my kids remain close in my driving view at all times.

            So right out of the garage, parenthood has its pros and cons for people who want to be successful both at work and at home. Their roadmaps to success change. It’s no longer a clear map of staying focused on a route to success, taking responsibility of your own career choices, and continually building on your qualifications. When you add a family to the equation, there will be more detours and stops along the way but you will get more out of life and there is more sense of purpose. Your focus becomes blurred between your professional and personal goals. The choices you make not only affect your career but also your family, and building on your work experiences takes a back seat to building the foundation for your children’s growth and happiness.

Don't let this photo fool you. My kids are not "angry"
that I work and unable to stay at home with them full-time.
Photo by Mimi Kuehn

            As a working parent, it takes longer to achieve career goals because of our priority to balance a family and a career. There are new choices and unforeseen challenges because of that decision. It’s more than just work-life balance, but all about work-life sustainability (sus-sane-ability, if you will) – choices I make must let me sustain my personal life in order for me to be sane and happy with working. Simply put, my children come first and keep me sane. If working doesn’t interfere with how I raise my children, then that is when I truly achieved work-life sustainability. I will have plenty of opportunities to get that big raise and that big promotion after my kids have left the nest and when there are fewer of my kids' milestones to celebrate. I only have one opportunity to raise my kids.

            So when did I reach this epiphany? It started when I was reaching my last month of pregnancy when I fainted at work and then was ordered by my boss at Ernst & Young and my doctor to go on modified bedrest – meaning I can continue to work at home as long as I wasn’t overdoing it. (Thank goodness my boss and obstetrician didn’t know of my overextending tendencies at that time – yet.) And my epiphany grew into fruition when my maternity leave was drawing to a close. I had enjoyed witnessing all of my son’s first milestones and was scared to death that I’d be missing his future milestones once I return to work.

            I knew my dread of heading back to work were common like any other new working mom. Making the transition back to work following a parental leave can be a difficult time when many women struggle with being a mother and a professional, and not being with their children physically 100% or more of the time. Working moms begin to question themselves if they can do it all.

            Fitting a career and children into one’s life is like trying to do everything in one family vacation – limited time, lots of arguing, loads of fun, and looking forward to doing it all over again. If you vacation like I do, I try to fit two trips into one vacation – aiming to make the most of my time off when there is little time off from work to begin with. As with many family vacations and road trips, children would incessantly ask, “Are we there yet?” As a working mom, I find myself asking that same question. “Am I there yet?” “Can I do it all?” “Am I making the right decisions to make my family happy by working?”

Trophies from my kids for being a great mom.
Photo by Mimi Kuehn

            Because I work at Ernst & Young, there were options that I can try to do it all – have a career and be at home with my son as often as I can. I decided to take a 5-month maternity leave with my first-born, three of which were paid leave, including vacation days and parental leave. Also, I put in a formal flexibility request to only come into the office two days a week. Trying to be a working-at-home mom (WAHM) was still uncommon at the time for any company. But with the support of my supervisor and with the determination to be the best mom that I can be, my new flexible work arrangement got approved. Being a WAHM is a career milestone for me that allows me to enjoy most of my son’s milestones. Now I have three kids and telework at home three days and in the office twice a week (and at one time teleworked full-time for a few years). Few people can say that about their job unless they work for EY. 

            When I became pregnant with my first son, my perspective on how I pursue my career and parenthood changed. I had fainted at work and had a minor seizure while unconscious. That office scare frightened my colleagues and also made me more aware of my pregnancy symptoms. I was nauseous day and night, and appreciated my little one making himself known that way.  I made a mental checklist of each pregnancy symptom, as if I was taking attendance. If a symptom was missing a day, I would make a note of it being absent and look for it to appear the next day. So the more miserable I felt physically, the better I felt emotionally. Looking back, I view my fainting spell as a blessing. Crazy you may wonder, but because I was at the right place at the right time when my blackout happened, Ernst & Young granted me the opportunity to work from home full-time the rest of my pregnancy. And that opportunity combined with my dedicated work ethic created more flexible work-at-home opportunities as I had more children.

            And of course, the most vivid of my pregnancy memories was when my first son was born, which also happens to be my best milestone yet – parenthood. Becoming a mother, I realized I reached a new milestone that carried with it hundreds of new challenges, scores of lessons to learn (and teach), and days with ordinary and extraordinary experiences. Parenthood is no ordinary milestone. In fact, parenthood would be the most difficult and rewarding career move that I’ve ever made. Thankfully for the flexibility at Ernst & Young, I get to enjoy more of the rewards than the challenges that comes with being a working mom. But the most important realization for me is that a working mom owns the biggest lot on Be Something Big Street after all.

            If you are a working parent, what have you encountered are the challenges and rewards of balancing a job and a family? What advice do you have to sustain a positive balance?